What YOU do makes a difference! You Deserve a Voice!
 What YOU do makes a difference!You Deserve a Voice!
Kay Byers
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Assessing Your Healing: Signs of Progress in Therapy Do you know that you can focus on various areas in your life to see if you are feeling better in specific ways? This is a fun, informal quiz to use for this purpose. Rate your improvement from 1 to 4, with 4 being the most improved. Leave it blank if it doesn’t apply to you. Take the results to your therapist for discussion. LIFE ISSUES*: __Self Esteem __Ability to reach Life Goals __Personal Safety __Your work or career __Level of happiness __Intelligence __Use of your talents __Sense of Humor __Ability to care for others __Personal self-care/Attractiveness __Ability to make friends __Relationships (friends) __Relationships (family) __Getting along with coworkers __Taking time for you __Treating yourself well __Putting your needs first __Taking care of your body __Not getting overly tired __Taking care of yourself when ill __Eating well __Sleeping enough __Exercising regularly __Appropriate alcohol use (or none at all) Track your progress on a regular basis. Therapy is all about improving your life and making it the best it can be! (Adapted from It’s My Life Now by M. Dugan)
Kay Byers
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WHAT Did You Just Say? Communication Differences of Men and Women “He should just KNOW what I want if he loves me,” she exclaims. “I TRY to solve her problems, but she gets mad when she’s upset and I give her advice,” he declares. And both of them think they are right. And both of them have a right to see it that way. And both of them would be wise to learn to see it from another point of view. Individuality notwithstanding, the stereotypes are somewhat borne out by research: men are generally problem solvers and women generally want intuitive, compassionate responses. To put it another way, when we approach our partner with a problem, we expect them to react the way our best (same sex) friends do. Or to put it another way: Men “fix” and women “feel.”                                     “And here’s what you SHOULD do, wife…” Men most often communicate in order to solve a problem, and they feel a sense of responsibility and love when their partner is upset. What he doesn’t realize is that she is not generally asking for advice, unless she comes out and says so. Instead, she would like to be listened to and valued while she processes her problem verbally. It tends to go something like this: She: “I got so mad at my boss today.” He: “Well, you should just quit that job and look for another. Here’s the employment listings.” When he jumps directly to his solution for her life, she feels belittled, as if he feels she is not capable of adult decisions. She really just wanted him to listen, not solve! So let’s look at a better way: She: “I got so mad at my boss today.” He: “You seem really upset. Tell me more.” “If you LOVED me you would just KNOW, husband…” A mistake that women often make when communicating with the opposite sex is called “mind reading:” that is, expecting to just hint, sigh, glare, or otherwise get him to pick up on what she wants. This conversation might go: She:  (sarcastically) “That trash really smells, doesn’t it?” He: “Sure does.”  Of course, she wanted him to take the trash out, not agree with her! She winds up frustrated and furious that he didn’t bow to the control, hint, guilt and manipulation barely hidden in that remark. A better way would be: She: “Would you please take the trash out sometime in the next hour?” He: “Sure, it’s my turn anyway.” Women are socialized to be tactful, accommodating, and indirect, but this does not serve them well in the real world. Instead, women (and indeed, men as well) should be DIRECT, BRIEF, and SPECIFIC when asking for what they need. This could save a lot of resentment; we all appreciate honest, courteous, and upfront communication. So it goes like this: men, you get in a lot of trouble when you offer solutions instead of focused, eye-to-eye, undivided attention and a listening ear when she is sharing her problems with you. And women, you shut down any hope of getting what you need when you hint, sigh, use sarcasm, or otherwise expect him to read your mind. Instead, be direct (“the trash”), specific (“within the next hour”) and courteous (“please”). Communication is a skill that must be learned, but the basic principles listed here can go a long way toward each person getting what they want- a “win-win” for all parties.
Kay Byers
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Sharing your time and talent by volunteering for your community is as beneficial to you as it is for the people you are helping. Aside from expanding your social circle and doing a good deed, doesn’t it just feel good to help someone else? Volunteering can be one of the most personally rewarding experiences you can have, and the best part is, you are helping make the world a better place. Realize your intrinsic value by serving others Countless celebrities and people of material importance who seem to “have it all” get to a point in their lives where they realize they must give back to be fulfilled personally. Helping one another is a deep human purpose, yet you don’t need to be rich and famous to make a difference. By volunteering, you raise your self-worth by satisfying a basic calling among humankind.  No good deed is ever too small Making a positive impact in society does not need to be on a global scale. Everyone has things within their own community that they would like to improve or help out with. When you choose to volunteer your time, talent and energy to better something within your own community, your self-esteem will sky rocket, you’ll help others, and you’ll improve your own surroundings. Social Rewards from Volunteerism Getting involved in a community cause which you are passionate about allows you to meet people with shared interests and values that you might not otherwise run into at work or socially. It’s a great way to expand your network of friends or even professional contacts that may benefit you in the future. Expand your horizons You may not have the opportunity to develop new skills or try different things due to job or money constraints. Volunteering is a great way to try your hand at something you’ve always wanted to do, or even expound on a skill you would otherwise only do as a hobby. Develop leadership skills What better way is there to boost to your self-esteem than to take responsibility for a project, organize other volunteers, and make something happen? You may even be able to use your success as a leader on a volunteer project on your resume, and in future professional endeavors. There are many reasons to become a volunteer. So get out there and do some good – for your community and yourself.

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Advance Counseling Centre