What YOU do makes a difference! You Deserve a Voice!
 What YOU do makes a difference!You Deserve a Voice!
Family Trouble! Dealing with Difficult People “It just never works to be in contact with my adult children (mother, father, sibling),” said my client as she started our session, wiping away tears. “I don’t want to cut them out of my life completely, but I can’t keep going back to be sniped at again and again.” This client and I had already strategized ways to talk to them assertively, addressing the hurtful comments, to no avail. Her family members flatly refused to admit fault or change any behavior. Our next step was to set strong boundaries of self- protection in specific ways. Here’s a list of ways to do just that. If you have a difficult person in YOUR family, ask yourself: ·        Do I want to limit phone calls? Yes/no ·        If yes, how many per week/month/year? _________per ________________________ ·        Do I want to limit time of day I answer the phone?  Yes/no ·        If so, what are my limits? __________________________________________________ ·        Do I want to limit the amount of time we talk? Yes/no ·        If so, what’s the limit? _____________________________________________________ ·        Do I want to limit time we spend face to face?  Yes/no ·        If so, what’s that going to look like? __________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________ ·        Do I want to remove myself when they are inebriated or otherwise inappropriate? Yes/no ·        Do I want to acknowledge birthdays and holidays?  Yes/no ·        If so, how?       Card          phone call               visit with others present                 visit alone ·        Other ways to protect myself: ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Let’s discuss your answers in our next session. Together we CAN find ways to protect YOU.
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Don’t Miss This Moment—the Key to Happiness Labels   “Mommy, hello please? Hello please?” the little girl repeated plaintively as she tugged on her mother’s skirt as mom obliviously tapped on her cell phone.  The invention of our hand held devices is a very mixed blessing! On the one hand, we have the virtual world and relationships at our fingertips. Somebody can Like you on Facebook!! The adrenaline hit that brings is addictive and draws us in. On the other hand, the real world and the relationships in front of us pass us by without notice. The idea of “Be Here Now” seems so elementary, but look around you. Is anyone in your line of vision enjoying the present moment-the coffee in their hand, the smile on the face of the clerk, the breeze that ruffles their hair? Or are they absorbed in the otherness of their phone? Are you? As we constantly look to “the next thing,” we miss relating to what IS. As a therapist, I am constantly challenged to wake people up out of cyber-life and into the challenge and joys of this moment. I have to remind them, that sitting there with me, we are safe. We are fed. We are warm. But maybe your present moment isn’t so great. Maybe escaping into your phone seems irresistible in the face of that divorce, that mean boss, or that medical diagnosis.  Using avoidance only compounds the current problem. The decisions, the insight needed to make changes are lost when problems are avoided by escaping into cyber world. If this describes you, call me. I can help you face what you’re escaping with that phone. Finding solutions or at least facing the pain of the issues is the way to experience the life in front of you with freedom and peace. Don’t waste a minute of your existence! “Living in the moment, living my life Easy and breezy, peace in my mind- Peace in my heart, peace in my soul Wherever I’m going, I’m already home.” (Song, Living in the Moment by Jason Mraz)
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Women And Workplace Bullying    We have all read about it in the news, bullying at schools, in the workplace as well as in sports.  But did you know women bullying women in the workplace is a growing issue?  In this rising trend of bullying, some women are finding it increasingly difficult to succeed in the workplace much less survive.  If you don't know the definition of bullying here it is.  Bullying takes place when an individual or group is singled out and harassed or intimidated. This harassment can be in the form of extreme criticism, intimidation or blaming.  All too often these situations escalate and the individual or group ends up quitting and or filing grievances.  The reason for bullying?  Many believe bullying takes place due to the need for power over others. Unfortunately, bullying leads to loss of productivity, decreased moral and excessive absenteeism.  For an example of  workplace bullying, see this link. http://www.postbulletin.com/business/women-at-work-workplace-bullying-can-harm-bottom-line/article_84a3889a-b0ac-5d1e-8f2f-9f19137c3a33.html    Women and bullying in the workplace is no laughing matter.  The consequences can be detrimental to both the company and the victim. Fortunately, if you find yourself becoming a target of bullying, there are some steps you can take. Obviously, the first step you can take is to confront the bully yourself. Express to them your concerns and ask them to stop. If the abuse continues, you can file a complaint; however, be aware that Human Resources may not necessarily side with you. It may be best to express your concerns with your immediate supervisor and try and reach an amiable agreement.  Furthermore, it would be advisable to document and record all interactions with the bully. If there are witnesses check to see if they will give you a written testimony of what transpired. If the bullying continues, consider looking into an employment law attorney.      While bullying may seem to be to be a male dominated issue, workplace bullying against women is rising. In both instances, bullying is a way of obtaining power over another or to make the individual's life unbearable in the workplace. While bullying in the workplace has been a common issue throughout the decades, bullying against women now surpasses their counterparts by seven percent. So, what should you expect if you are a target of bullying?  Studies show that seeking relief through HR is not your best bet. HR departments either work for the management or are the management themselves. It is also inadvisable to discuss the bullying with other co-workers. It should be noted that bullying in the workplace is often ignored and up to 40 percent of victims never report instances. It seems your best course of action to take if you are a women being bullied is to confront the bully and document all communications. If all else fails, seek an attorney.  For additional information on workplace bullying, see this link. http://news.legalexaminer.com/bullying-in-the-workplace-on-the-rise.aspx?googleid=262798

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